Getting the Snip - Romantic Comedy Novella
Having a teething eleven month old baby who was already starting to totter around on his feet with the pure intention of keeping up with his three year old sister all day was beyond exhausting.
Sara can’t remember that last time she had a shower. She smells of stale breast milk and thinks she has baby puke in her hair from three days ago. And when she goes to bed, she wants to sleep. No special cuddles. The only thing she craves now-a-days is to sleep-until-you-wake-up-naturally, just like she used to BC — Before Children.
Sara loves her children. She loves her husband and her family. But with the thought of having another child, her uterus wants to rip itself out of her body and run into oncoming traffic. Solution? Permanent contraception. Sara has the perfect idea. It’s just a small incision, twenty minutes of Andy’s time and poof — he’s done. Neutered like the cat.
It’ll take balls, but Andy will have to put his on the line if they ever want to have carefree, sex-on-tap, whenever they want it, pre-baby lovemaking again. Or will his nightmare of being chased by massive scissors make him run in the opposite direction to the scalpel?
‘Mr and Mrs Smith, Dr Breaduke will see you now.’
Sara gathered Jacob while Andy plucked Ellie from the playroom. Sara couldn’t help but notice the other women in the waiting area. Some with rounded bellies, fingers splayed over their precious mounds, while slim-waisted women looked at her with utter longing in their eyes. Sara sent them a silent prayer, knowing exactly how they felt.
Soon, she wanted to say, soon it will be you. Just have patience, but she knew how hollow those words were. They’d seemed the same to her when she was in their position. Now she smiled politely at them and followed the nurse down the hallway to Dr Breaduke’s office.
His familiar face smiled as they settled into his comfortable chairs on the opposite side of the desk. ‘Sara. Andy. Great to see you again - and I see I was able to help you after all!’
Sara easily returned his smile. He was genuinely happy to see the progress of their family. ‘Great to see you, too, doctor.’
His glance slid from Sara to Andy, ‘And how can I help you today?’
Andy shifted on the chair, crossing his legs and re-crossing them again, ‘It’s about me.’
‘There was a little trouble with trying too hard, if I remember correctly?’
‘Trying is the operative word. We don’t actually have a lot of time for that sort of thing any more,’ Andy said, sending Sara a withering glance.
‘Well, you have young children now. That’s a natural part of the experience,’ Dr Breaduke said.
‘We actually don’t want to try any more,’ Sara said.
‘Ah. You’re looking for a solution, then.’ Dr Breaduke settled back against the chair peering at Andy over the rims of his glasses, ‘I take it that it’s your turn, Andy?’
‘I guess,’ Andy cleared his throat after the words came out in a particular high squeak, ‘I mean, I’m easier, aren’t I, doc?’
‘Well, any permanent method of contraception is generally easier for men than women. The male parts are external and easier to get to and the surgery only takes twenty minutes or so. You can be done and home in a couple of hours. No problem.’
‘Maybe for you,’ Andy grumbled.
Dr Breaduke chuckled, ‘I help hundreds of men a year with their vasectomy, there’s no need to worry. The main question I want to ask you is, are you both sure you’re ready for this. You’re both relatively young. I have to ask this question. Do you want any more children?’
‘My uterus wants to jump out of my body and run headlong into traffic at the mere thought of more children,’ Sara’s tone was flat as she deftly manhandled Jacob away from her boob. She handed the baby to Andy, protecting her front with a squirming Ellie.
Andy nodded, jiggling Jacob on his lap, ‘We’re grateful for the kids we have, doc.’
‘Well, then, it seems like your solution is a vasectomy.’